Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Tinier Than an Ant

Remember that whole "am I good enough" thing? It's back. And likely the only thing keeping me from a binge tonight is that Hamad's coming over for dinner so I won't have privacy.

It started with an e-mail from a dude who used to do my job. Basically, it said that a particular process wasn't up to par and certain things are always done a certain way, but hadn't been in this case. But, as long as I've had access to this stuff (and I can see prior submissions) they weren't done that way. And now then I was questioning a) by ability and b) my sanity.

Fast forward a couple hours, and cue a separate e-mail from my boss. This one basically said that a process has broken down. It was basically the one process in which I was still confident.

Good bye, confidence. Hello, extreme insecurity.

I will not have an emotional binge. There is a reason I have a side business. There is a reason I'm trying to make it my full-time gig. This job is temporary. I need to remember that. But I also need to give it 100% while it lasts. Or at least 90%.

Or maybe I should become a barista until my business takes off...

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