I'm not 100% sure if this advice has been given to me, or if I've just heard (i.e. read on the WW's boards) it given to others, but either way, it resonates.
The idea is that you don't want to do anything now (while you're losing weight) that you wouldn't want to keep up with when you get to goal and maintain your weight. (You know, for forever.)
And while I love Weight Watchers, and the tools it provides, I do not want to be counting points and tracking my food foreverrrrr. I just don't.
Let's backtrack, shall we? The year is 2004, I'm 20 years old, about to enter my final year of college, and realize I'm at my heaviest weight ever. I got an e-mail from Weight Watchers Online that contained the success story of a young woman who was my height, had my starting weight, and had achieved the goal weight I had in mind. I joined immediately, learned how to count points, haves snacks, and reasonably enjoy meals out. I didn't drink at the time, so keggers weren't an issue for me, like they are for a lot of college students. I also was living off-campus and had my own kitchen and was able to prepare my own meals. It was awesome, and I felt I learned so much.
Nine months later, I had lost 40ish lbs and felt and looked the best I ever had. It was the first time I can clearly remember being happy with my body. Around the time I was reaching my goal weight, some friends suggested a book to me: The Fat Fallacy by Will Clower. In a nutshell, the book discusses the French Paradox and the author's experience of losing weight and getting healthy in France, despite is resolve to give up worrying about calories and fat grams. The basic recommendation was to eat whole foods, ditch the processed stuff, listen to your hunger signals, and eat in moderation.
That just made so much sense! For the next year and a half, I'd say I followed Dr. Clower's advice about 90% of the time. I still had my indulgences, but they weren't frequent. And I maintained my ideal weight that whole time! It wasn't until I started graduate school that I began to make processed and fast foods a part of my regular diet again. And that's when I started to gain the weight back. Some of it was stress eating from a stressful work environment, some of it was eating out too often when I became involved in a new relationship, but a lot of it was that I just didn't take the time to make wholesome foods anymore.
I recently wrote that after conquering my emotional binge eating episodes, it was time to refocus on my weight loss efforts. I rejoined Weight Watchers Online. But I've found that I'm burnt out on counting points. I've been doing on and off for the past 8 years, and more on than off in the past 4 years. I have to get honest with myself: Am I willing to count points forever?
This is a scary question for a loyal(ish) WWer. You think, "If it's worked before, it'll work again, so I'll just keep doing it." And don't get me wrong, Weight Watchers is a fantastic program. But I'm sick of counting and tracking and I don't want to do it forever. I know that I've had success with just "watching what I ate" and listening to my body, so I've decided to wean myself off of WW. The first step is to stop counting points. Since I currently have my Weight Watchers Online subscription through April, I'm not giving it up just yet. I am switching my tracker to the Simply Filling Technique and I will track what I eat, but not count points for it. I decided to keep tracking for the moment because I sometimes tend to do a lot of "well, I haven't had a treat in a while, I can eat this cookie." But really, I had a treat earlier that week, or maybe for breakfast that day. I'm also going to keep my weekly WI to hold me accountable to my choices. If I start gaining, then I'll be able to go back and see just how often I have a "once in a while" treat.
While I didn't track anything over the weekend, and do think I listened to my hunger signals, I'm calling today Day 1 of no counting. I'm keeping my WI's on Friday. I need to do some cooking to make sure I've got good meals to get me through the week.
Project Eating Real Foods starts now.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Year of Congruence
Last week I had the privilege to attend a woman's networking event with a panel of women leaders. The topic was "Ways to Leadership." There were a lot of interesting things and topics discussed, but there was one that really, really, struck me.
One of the speakers started talking about how every year she chooses a word to represent that year. She reflects on the previous year, assesses if anything was missing or needed more attention, and decides her word for the current year.
Naturally, I decided to reflect on 2011. It was the year of setting and missing goals. I wanted to lose weight, but instead I became a secret binge eater. I wanted to build my business, but I lacked the consistent action necessary to achieve that. Those were pretty much my two main goals. I realized, however, that if an outsider were to look at my actions on any average day of 2011, they would not have been able to determine what goals I was trying to achieve.
In short, my actions were not congruent with goals. So my word for 2012 is congruence. I want my actions on any average day to indicate the goals I am working toward.
If you had to come up with a word for this year, what would it be?
One of the speakers started talking about how every year she chooses a word to represent that year. She reflects on the previous year, assesses if anything was missing or needed more attention, and decides her word for the current year.
Naturally, I decided to reflect on 2011. It was the year of setting and missing goals. I wanted to lose weight, but instead I became a secret binge eater. I wanted to build my business, but I lacked the consistent action necessary to achieve that. Those were pretty much my two main goals. I realized, however, that if an outsider were to look at my actions on any average day of 2011, they would not have been able to determine what goals I was trying to achieve.
In short, my actions were not congruent with goals. So my word for 2012 is congruence. I want my actions on any average day to indicate the goals I am working toward.
If you had to come up with a word for this year, what would it be?
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I'm Good Enough, Right?
Whew! I've finally found sometime to compose my thoughts. It's been a busy few weeks. I've missed tending to my blogs. (I also need to get to work doing something worth posting over at Passion & Zest...I've got some recipe ideas in the works, just need to find the time to make them.)
Anyway, I had a mini epiphany. I was watching ABC's Body of Proof a few weeks ago (that's how long I've been trying to get around to posting this!) and was struck by one of the characters. Side note: I love this show. I've been watching since the beginning. This particular character has never "wowed" me, until this episode. This character, Curtis, is an overweight gentleman who decides to go on a diet. (Oh, man, I hate that word!) There were a few lunchtime scenes where he was eating...well, rabbit food: hard boiled egg, celery, carrots, nothing especially amazing, everything you might think of when you think of a diet.
Curtis also exhibits all the usual symptoms of a rabbit-food-dieter:
Now that you've got the idea of Curtis's diet, let's fast forward. Toward the end of the episode, his friend and co-worker, Ethan, walks in on him in the break room about to completely devour a GIANT piece of chocolate cake. (I wish I could find this clip. It's way more powerful to actually watch it.) Ethan, being completely supportive of Curtis's weight loss efforts, asks his friend what's wrong. Earlier in the episode you see a few interactions between Curtis and his boss, all of which left Curtis a bit self-conscious. When Ethan walks in and asks him what's wrong, Curtis's response is:
Anyway, I had a mini epiphany. I was watching ABC's Body of Proof a few weeks ago (that's how long I've been trying to get around to posting this!) and was struck by one of the characters. Side note: I love this show. I've been watching since the beginning. This particular character has never "wowed" me, until this episode. This character, Curtis, is an overweight gentleman who decides to go on a diet. (Oh, man, I hate that word!) There were a few lunchtime scenes where he was eating...well, rabbit food: hard boiled egg, celery, carrots, nothing especially amazing, everything you might think of when you think of a diet.
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| This broccoli floret will make an excellent lunch!Source: http://worldresources.tripod.com/image-metabolism/11.istock_photo_of_broccoli_on_plate.jpg |
Curtis also exhibits all the usual symptoms of a rabbit-food-dieter:
- He's super cranky and mean.
- He gets even crankier and meaner when friends try to eat "regular" food around him.
Now that you've got the idea of Curtis's diet, let's fast forward. Toward the end of the episode, his friend and co-worker, Ethan, walks in on him in the break room about to completely devour a GIANT piece of chocolate cake. (I wish I could find this clip. It's way more powerful to actually watch it.) Ethan, being completely supportive of Curtis's weight loss efforts, asks his friend what's wrong. Earlier in the episode you see a few interactions between Curtis and his boss, all of which left Curtis a bit self-conscious. When Ethan walks in and asks him what's wrong, Curtis's response is:
"I'm not good enough."
I'm fairly certain that Ethan said something to cheer up Curtis, because that's the way these shows go. (Even though I'm making this sound much more trite than it actually was.) But, really, I don't remember what Ethan said after this. I got hung up on Curtis's words and that giant piece of cake.
It made me wonder when exactly my binging had gotten out of control. It was around the summer. So I thought "What else changed this summer?" Oh, right, I got a promotion. A super duper, fancy pants promotion. The exact promotion that I had pretty much envisioned myself getting at exactly this point in my career. And I was completely excited about it! At first.
And then I grew nervous. Two out of three of my predecessors (all of whom I'd worked with over my 18 months in my previous position) had less than stellar track records, vacating the position for various reasons around the 3 month mark.
*Gulp.* Logically, I knew I had some advantages they didn't. I kept telling myself I would just chug along and I'd figure things out, I had support from my boss and the one predecessor that was still here. And my boss tells me all the time when I'm doing a good job. But she also makes it known when expectations are not met. And I guess I get hung up on those times, and question myself. Enter that twisted mental visitor: Self Doubt.
Am I good enough? Do I really deserve this? Am I doing things well enough?
To that, let's add the fact that I'm trying to propel my side business. Things were going awesome before my promotion, and then I decided to not work as much while I was getting settled into the new job. And then there were ups and downs (which happen and are totally normal, but Self Doubt forgets that). And then there were late nights at the office, major fatigue, the feeling that I was doing too much of one thing and not enough of the other, and taking SIX DAMN MONTHS to figure this all out.
No wonder I had such a bingetastic summer.
And fall.
But here's the important part: I've figured it out. I'm not completely dealing with my emotions, but I'm not eating them either. I haven't binged in 60 days.
SIX. TEE.
Seriously. That's an amazing accomplishment. Now it's time to deal with the actual feelings.
Am I good enough? Yes, of course!
Am I doing enough? I'm doing too much and not enough, at the same time. This is where I end up in a spiral. And while I haven't eaten my feelings, I've been doing other things that are counterproductive to my goals. I need to find balance.
So here we go.
Phase 1: Stop emotionally overeating. check.
Phase 2: Find balance. let's get this one on the road!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Best.Christmas.Gift.EVER!!!
I'm in a challenge this month with some friends on the WW boards. There's no specific goal. Everyone creates their own personal goal(s) for the month. We check in with each other for accountability. My goal was to be binge free for all of December. I wholly believe this is one of the reasons I have not binged in nearly a month.
I started counting my binge free days after Thanksgiving, so I had a head start on December. For the time being, I'm defining binge free as not giving in to the urge to eat excessively due to non-hunger feelings or emotions. So there have been times I've eaten too much, but any time that I've felt the nagging desire to stuff my face to ease stress or the magnetic pull of my kitchen when I need comforting, I've not given in. If I was actually hungry, I made a food plan, got just that, and stuck to it. If I was not hungry, I stayed away from the food altogether.
It would go something like this: I'd have a pretty normal day, but somewhere after 5, fatigue and apathy would set in. (Alternatively, I'd have a rough day, and feel a lot of stress.) I would get home and be compelled to either go to the grocery store and stock up on frozen pizza, or go to my kitchen and bake up a batch of cookies, or just clean out the leftovers (by disposing of them in my belly). The voice in my head that was nudging me toward binging was loud. Really, really loud. It was difficult to hear any other thoughts, but somehow another voice broke through. It was the collective voice of my boardie challengers who have been cheering me on and telling me how awesome I'm doing at remaining binge free. And it would make me think about having to reset my count to 0, and how I am completely unwilling to do that. And the only way to do that is to ignore the loud, obnoxious devil on my shoulder that's driving me to binge point. Somehow, it's worked. I think about having to report back that I cracked, and I don't want to do it. So I stay on the couch, or I go to sleep, or a find something interesting on TV to watch or start playing games online. (Ironically, my recent game of choice has been Let's Get Cooking...so I avoid binging by fake cooking.)
The other day, I reported to my lovely boardies that I was 20-some-odd days binge free. After some quick math calculations, I realized that Day 30 will be Christmas Eve. When I wake up Christmas morning, I will have a full 30 days, ONE WHOLE MONTH, of being binge free under my belt. No offense to anyone who's ever given me a Christmas gift, but this by far takes the cake (what an awful expression for this occassion!) for the Best.Christmas.Gift.EVERRRR!!!
Thanks, Boardies, for keeping me in line. ♥
I started counting my binge free days after Thanksgiving, so I had a head start on December. For the time being, I'm defining binge free as not giving in to the urge to eat excessively due to non-hunger feelings or emotions. So there have been times I've eaten too much, but any time that I've felt the nagging desire to stuff my face to ease stress or the magnetic pull of my kitchen when I need comforting, I've not given in. If I was actually hungry, I made a food plan, got just that, and stuck to it. If I was not hungry, I stayed away from the food altogether.
It would go something like this: I'd have a pretty normal day, but somewhere after 5, fatigue and apathy would set in. (Alternatively, I'd have a rough day, and feel a lot of stress.) I would get home and be compelled to either go to the grocery store and stock up on frozen pizza, or go to my kitchen and bake up a batch of cookies, or just clean out the leftovers (by disposing of them in my belly). The voice in my head that was nudging me toward binging was loud. Really, really loud. It was difficult to hear any other thoughts, but somehow another voice broke through. It was the collective voice of my boardie challengers who have been cheering me on and telling me how awesome I'm doing at remaining binge free. And it would make me think about having to reset my count to 0, and how I am completely unwilling to do that. And the only way to do that is to ignore the loud, obnoxious devil on my shoulder that's driving me to binge point. Somehow, it's worked. I think about having to report back that I cracked, and I don't want to do it. So I stay on the couch, or I go to sleep, or a find something interesting on TV to watch or start playing games online. (Ironically, my recent game of choice has been Let's Get Cooking...so I avoid binging by fake cooking.)
The other day, I reported to my lovely boardies that I was 20-some-odd days binge free. After some quick math calculations, I realized that Day 30 will be Christmas Eve. When I wake up Christmas morning, I will have a full 30 days, ONE WHOLE MONTH, of being binge free under my belt. No offense to anyone who's ever given me a Christmas gift, but this by far takes the cake (what an awful expression for this occassion!) for the Best.Christmas.Gift.EVERRRR!!!
Thanks, Boardies, for keeping me in line. ♥
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Shall we catch up?
Hello friends, it has been a while since we chatted.
I do sincerely apologize for neglecting this blog for the past couple weeks. I can make a bunch of excuses, but I'm sure you've heard them all in a bunch of different places. So let me just say, I've been meaning to write, and I'm finally making time to catch up!
I have not been keeping up with my reading. I've been finding myself with little time for anything other than work, the boyfriend, more work, and sleep. I fall asleep about a half a sentence into any reading whenever I'm overtired, so I haven't even attempted to pick up Overcoming Overeating... lately.
However, something spectacular has happened! As of today, December 20, 2011, I am TWENTY FIVE days binge free! I was super excited last Friday when I hit the 21 days mark. Because it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. And though it hasn't been an easy (almost) month, I have no binged. I have not been perfect, and I may have eaten a little too much at a party here or there, and I have definitely not been eating the best for me foods, but I have not binged. Any time I've gotten into that mentality of "Ohmygod-I-just-want-to-stuff-my-face-full-of-delicious-foods-so-I-don't-have-to-feel-these-feelings," I have done something other than eat.
I almost binged last Tuesday. The day started off okay, but toward the end of the day I was tired and feeling very stressed out. (Though I don't remember any specific events leading up to or causing the stress.) As I've mentioned before, Tuesdays are one of my most likely days to binge, so it was no surprise that I was getting this urge. Oh, yes, now I remember. I was having a hardcore pity party for 1 because I had worked for 9 days straight with no days off. I was tired. The kind of tired you feel all over your body. The kind of tired that paralyzes you from even making it to your bed. The kind of tired for which food is the clear solution. (Please read that with all the sarcasm with which it was intended.) I was talking with WW boardie friends and told them I was 18 days binge-free, but I was struggling. And I didn't want to break my streak, but I was just oh-so-woe-is-me-tired. So I made a plan for dinner. I stuck to my plan, but even then wanted to continue to stuff my face. Pizza, ice cream, cookies... let's be real, I was too tired to make cookies or pizza. The most likely option was a gallon of ice cream washed down with leftover soup and leftover Chinese takeout steamed white rice. Not even fun foods! But, I'd stuck to my plan, so I just didn't let myself get off my couch and back into the kitchen. The last thing I remember was having something on the TV, noticing the time as 9:11, and then waking up an hour later. I should have gotten up, changed my clothes, and gone to bed. But I was too tired to move. So I slept on my couch until midnight or so before finally making it to bed. Sleep is much better solution for physical exhaustion than food! And that's how I made it to day 19.
So, here I am, a week later. I'm 25 days binge free. Tomorrow will be 26. I've got plans for my week and they include eating reasonable dinners, and then doing things that don't involve food. I'm really excited that I'm almost 1 full month without binging. This hasn't happened since the summer, if not earlier.
I do sincerely apologize for neglecting this blog for the past couple weeks. I can make a bunch of excuses, but I'm sure you've heard them all in a bunch of different places. So let me just say, I've been meaning to write, and I'm finally making time to catch up!
I have not been keeping up with my reading. I've been finding myself with little time for anything other than work, the boyfriend, more work, and sleep. I fall asleep about a half a sentence into any reading whenever I'm overtired, so I haven't even attempted to pick up Overcoming Overeating... lately.
However, something spectacular has happened! As of today, December 20, 2011, I am TWENTY FIVE days binge free! I was super excited last Friday when I hit the 21 days mark. Because it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. And though it hasn't been an easy (almost) month, I have no binged. I have not been perfect, and I may have eaten a little too much at a party here or there, and I have definitely not been eating the best for me foods, but I have not binged. Any time I've gotten into that mentality of "Ohmygod-I-just-want-to-stuff-my-face-full-of-delicious-foods-so-I-don't-have-to-feel-these-feelings," I have done something other than eat.
I almost binged last Tuesday. The day started off okay, but toward the end of the day I was tired and feeling very stressed out. (Though I don't remember any specific events leading up to or causing the stress.) As I've mentioned before, Tuesdays are one of my most likely days to binge, so it was no surprise that I was getting this urge. Oh, yes, now I remember. I was having a hardcore pity party for 1 because I had worked for 9 days straight with no days off. I was tired. The kind of tired you feel all over your body. The kind of tired that paralyzes you from even making it to your bed. The kind of tired for which food is the clear solution. (Please read that with all the sarcasm with which it was intended.) I was talking with WW boardie friends and told them I was 18 days binge-free, but I was struggling. And I didn't want to break my streak, but I was just oh-so-woe-is-me-tired. So I made a plan for dinner. I stuck to my plan, but even then wanted to continue to stuff my face. Pizza, ice cream, cookies... let's be real, I was too tired to make cookies or pizza. The most likely option was a gallon of ice cream washed down with leftover soup and leftover Chinese takeout steamed white rice. Not even fun foods! But, I'd stuck to my plan, so I just didn't let myself get off my couch and back into the kitchen. The last thing I remember was having something on the TV, noticing the time as 9:11, and then waking up an hour later. I should have gotten up, changed my clothes, and gone to bed. But I was too tired to move. So I slept on my couch until midnight or so before finally making it to bed. Sleep is much better solution for physical exhaustion than food! And that's how I made it to day 19.
So, here I am, a week later. I'm 25 days binge free. Tomorrow will be 26. I've got plans for my week and they include eating reasonable dinners, and then doing things that don't involve food. I'm really excited that I'm almost 1 full month without binging. This hasn't happened since the summer, if not earlier.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Return of the Bingey Monster
Remember how I posted a few hours ago that I was a full week without binging?
Well, now I'm sitting at work. The clock has been moving backwards for the past 2 hours. I'm bored and angsty. I just want to run out of here and get home. But I'm also hungry, so I want to eat, but I don't want to binge. This requires a very strategic move. I need to make sure I enter Port Authority at 42nd St or 40th St (not 41st St) so that I avoid the flavorful aromas wafting my way from the Auntie Anne's stand. I then need to walk to the left and avoid the delicious scents floating out of Cinnabon and Mrs. Fields. Once I get on the bus, I'll be okay. Then I can have a handful of almonds before the boyfriend comes over for dinner. Or I can stop for a latte to take the edge off so I'm less prone to find myself in any of those stores.
What's the point of this post? Only to make it public that I am not going to stop for a sugary pretzel, sweet, sweet cookie, or a gigantic bun of sugar and cinnamon glaze. I will be 8 days binge free tomorrow.
Well, now I'm sitting at work. The clock has been moving backwards for the past 2 hours. I'm bored and angsty. I just want to run out of here and get home. But I'm also hungry, so I want to eat, but I don't want to binge. This requires a very strategic move. I need to make sure I enter Port Authority at 42nd St or 40th St (not 41st St) so that I avoid the flavorful aromas wafting my way from the Auntie Anne's stand. I then need to walk to the left and avoid the delicious scents floating out of Cinnabon and Mrs. Fields. Once I get on the bus, I'll be okay. Then I can have a handful of almonds before the boyfriend comes over for dinner. Or I can stop for a latte to take the edge off so I'm less prone to find myself in any of those stores.
What's the point of this post? Only to make it public that I am not going to stop for a sugary pretzel, sweet, sweet cookie, or a gigantic bun of sugar and cinnamon glaze. I will be 8 days binge free tomorrow.
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