Especially since Tuesdays and/or Thursdays are my usual days to run to the grocery store, pick up my favorite binge foods, and have a secret feast when I get home. Sometimes it's just because I'm like "Hm, I haven't had a good junk food fest in a while." (Where "a while" = a week, maaaaybe two.) But if I'm tired (which is most of the time), worked late and/or had a long bus ride (which is often), stressed out, or emotional, the urge to binge is multiplied.
Surely enough, I felt it most strongly this week on Tuesday and again on Thursday. Why those days? Well, Mondays I'm usually busy. After I leave my day job, I rush home (as much as one can rush when they have no control over traffic or the bus), freshen up, and run to my Mary Kay meeting. Sometimes I have time for dinner, sometimes I have time for a quick snack, sometimes I don't eat until after the meeting. If I wait until after the meeting to eat, it's touch and go. I can either stop at one of the multitude of fast food places on my way home, stop at the grocery store, or figure something out when I get home. I've done all three, but usually it's one of the latter two. Usually, I'm just too exhausted to think much about food when I get home on a Monday night at 10pm. Though, sometimes this can lead to mindless eating and a mini-binge.
Wednesdays don't get really bingey for me because that's night my boyfriend, Hamad, comes over for dinner. He usually snacks on either chips or cheese and crackers while I cook. I usually have a little, but not much as I'm busy in the kitchen. Dinner is pretty easy for me to portion control. I usually only get into trouble if we have bread on the side and/or cookies for dessert. But for the most part, I retain composure.
Fridays and Saturday are similar to Wednesdays. And if I'm not eating with Hamad, I'm usually eating with someone else. If I am alone, I don't usually get a huge bingey feeling, because I've usually fulfilled that on Thursday night. Sundays are a toss-up.
I just don't know what it is about Tuesdays and Thursdays. Perhaps that I have the time? That I can actually allow myself to be exhausted because I don't have to go anywhere? I really haven't figure out why these days. But anyway, I made it through both Tuesday and Thursday without binging this week.
However, I was riding home yesterday (Thursday) and felt completely filled with angst, almost shaking from the amount of anxiety running through my body. I wanted to eat. Not, "I'm hungry, I'm ready for dinner." Not, "Oh, I've got this fabulous meal planned for tonight." It felt strange, but it was very clearly that I had this instinct to pretty much stuff myself with food.
I told myself I wasn't going to do it. I even thought about running to the grocery store for something I needed, and decided against it because I didn't trust myself to not stock up on binge foods. I ended up going straight home, and having a snacky dinner of cheese and crackers. It was supposed to be a snack, but it filled me up and I never got around to making dinner. Admittedly, it's not the best dinner option.
But, I didn't binge!
As far as my course of action, I've been wishy washy. I have put off Overeaters' Anonymous. I'm not really sure why, but for now I'm not going to put myself into that setting. I have attempted to contact several new therapists, but it's proving difficult to find someone who is either accepting new patients and/or will call you back. I'm still working on it, and debating if I should call up my old therapist. I have decided to adhere to Weight Watchers. I think I need the structure of counting Points Plus, since I can't trust myself at the moment. I'm still working my way through Overcoming Overeating: It's Not What You Eat, It's What's Eating You by Lisa Morrone, PT. I've gotten through Chapters 3 and 4, so expect some entries on Why I Binge, and The Not-So-Merry-Go-Round of Food Addiction this weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment